- Do I want or need an a source of omnipotence in my life, and if so, why?
- Do I want or need salvation, and if so from what and by whom?
- Am I generating these answers myself or from outside influence?
The answers and the paths I have taken are complicated, but the result is simple: I do not believe in an all powerful being, His established realms, or that I was permitted entry into Heaven by His Son’s ultimate sacrifice. To clarify, I do not believe these statements literally. At times I have had the feelings of a militant Atheist: “Christianity is about exclusion,” “Christianity is only an excuse for self punishment and denial,” “Christianity is an excuse for the domination of others.” It has only been in the last year and a half that I’ve realized those feelings come specifically from my Catholic upbringing and that many Protestants view Christianity differently. Where I grew up with the teaching that I am inherently unworthy of salvation and must continually work towards that worth, others were being taught that they were already saved and should work towards accepting Jesus’ love in their lives. In the end neither worked for me in the literal sense.
Being gay in the Catholic church may have started me down this path, but does not hold any bearing on my current religious beliefs. Many people assume godlessness and Atheism in the gay community. I believe this perception comes from the belief that homosexuality is an unforgivable sin juxtaposed with the belief that homosexuality is a choice. Some more progressive Catholic dioceses have come to the conclusion that the orientation itself is not a choice, but acting on that orientation is damnable. These beliefs together can hold an amazing amount of power over groups of people who have limited exposure to gay people or culture. It is a scary concept to believe that an act will lead you to eternal damnation, have no predisposition toward committing such an act, then perceive people flaunting the act as a lifestyle deserving of recognition! Clearly someone embracing homosexuality could not care about their relationship with God. And if someone could choose to embrace something so damning, how do you protect your loved ones from following the same path? For this, I am sometimes saddened that I may be perceived as just another gay atheist who strayed. I had the same feeling in seventh grade when I was going to break the stereotype that all male actors in musical theatre are gay. Whoops.
After the passing of Ammendment 1 in NC, my social networking sites lit up with lamentation from gay and ally friends. Indeed, the decision to create a constitutional amendment banning marriage equality when such bans were already on the books makes me feel queasy and isolated. But I watched in wonder as Facebook exploded after Obama’s announcement of support for marriage equality. Friends and acquaintances whom I’ve rarely heard voice opinions on anything political, much less marriage equality, were suddenly posting hateful and inflammatory images such as this one:
Images and cartoons such as this are used to dehumanize and demonize individuals, grouping them unfairly. Is this not what the gay community is currently fighting against? It was as if Obama’s belated words had given the OK to discriminate and isolate. And yes, Obama’s words were belated. Three cabinet members and the Vice President had all voiced support for marriage equality BEFORE the Ammendment 1 vote. They could be counted on as a rallying cry. They were a voice of support. I am skeptical that Obama’s “evolving views” solidified exactly less than a day after a major amendment to a state’s constitution was passed. The timing of his words fanned the flames of many Americans’ anger at NC, rather than voicing support for the gay community and its allies to oppose the amendment. I cannot help but see the timing as a campaign ploy relying on negativity, rather than an act of good will.
Obama’s announcement and my social networking community’s response has gotten me thinking about my relationship with religion. My co-worker recently shared this article with me, which contrasts modern day missionary trips to how Luke’s gospel describes a successful mission. The author describes modern missions in this way:
Stay as a group in a dorm, church, hostel, or hotel. “Help” poor people, or the disaster afflicted, by offering unskilled labor, unwanted prayer, and cartoon Bible tracts. Give away some junk. On the last night of the trip, order Pizza because everybody is sick to death of local food. Arrive home, slightly conflicted, burdened for “those less fortunate”, unsure if any actual help occurred, but grateful for all your “Blessings”
Having never participated on a missionary trip, I cannot attest to the truth of this statement. I do relate. In a way, this behavior is paralleled in popular gay culture. Gay culture is supposedly represented on TV better than it has ever been: teenage boyfriends singing songs, stylists critiquing outfits, married men making adorable blunders while tackling fatherhood. Gay people have made it to Prime Time and all the world can see it. For many families who have never met an out gay person, this is the only exposure they are getting. Is there any wonder why there are comments of “flaunting” and “in your face” when the conservative community talks about homosexuality, the path from which so many are trying to protect their family?
I think this has an even darker side. The mission described in the article does little to find a community’s true need. It looks at a perceived need, goes in guns blazing, “fixing,” then leaves. This is how I see my gay and ally friends approaching marriage equality. "There’s injustice!" "How dare people attack me and my friends!" "We need to 'fix' these uneducated religious conservatives!" But there is no follow through, no long game. The article contrasts modern mission trips with this excerpt from Luke, Chapter 10:
He told them, "The harvest is huge, but the workers are few. So ask the Lord of the harvest to send out workers into his harvest field. Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. Do not take a purse or bag or sandals. And don't greet anyone on the road. When you enter a house, first say, 'May this house be blessed with peace.' If someone there loves peace, your blessing of peace will rest on him. If not, it will return to you. Stay in that house. Eat and drink anything they give you. Workers are worthy of their pay. Do not move around from house to house. When you enter a town and are welcomed, eat what is set down in front of you. Heal the sick people who are there. Tell them, ‘God's kingdom is near you.’”
These missionaries were not instructed to make a spectacle, or force their ideas on others. A missionary was to visit those who did not know Jesus and live with them – “lambs among wolves.” They were to eat the same food, do honest work for honest pay, and try to be the embodiment of peace and an example of love. I believe that this is, forgive me, the crux of the the marriage equality movement, the threshold we have yet to cross. Posting inflammatory videos and pictures may help my friends release pent up anger, but they are not offering to go among the perceived wolves, eat at the wolves’ table, help the wolves with the harvest.
No one can hope to change someone’s mind through force. If that were a viable way to educate, I believe we would have had a very different and much more unpleasant K-12 experience, however horrific middle school was. Campaigns such as Stonewall’s Get Over It can be funny, but ineffectively one sided. Screaming “I’m me!” is a vital part of coming out and accepting one’s self as a gay person. It is reprehensible when used to start discourse with an opposing viewpoint.
The only way we can hope to achieve change is to meet the opposition. Eat their food, do honest work for honest pay, and all the while provide an example of love, tolerance, and joy. We should proudly be who we are, but we cannot expect others to be any less than who they are.
I could not always see this. Anyone who knew me in high school can attest to my cliché affectations and all out war against any who might oppose me as a gay man. I was OPPRESSED by society and hell-bound to tell everyone. I victimized myself, because I was not happy with who I was. I found it impossible to be an example of love and acceptance when I was unable to love and accept myself. I do not believe that all of the people I see raging on Facebook are as insecure as a sad highschooler which is why I am that much more perturbed by what I’m seeing. Intelligent people, loving people claiming to be my allies, beautiful people who are fellow travelers on this road to equality are resorting to hate speech and imagery. They are demonizing religion, conservatism, and legitimately ignorant human beings. So where does that leave the cause?
I am an Atheist because I do not believe in the mysticisms of many religions, but this does not mean I cannot take meaning from their messages. Jesus, who I’m quite sure was a real person, had two rules: Love God, and love others. Loving others can be hard: other people can be really dumb and they make me angry sometimes. But I’ve found that when I focus on the person and try to see why they believe what they do, the approach is often reciprocated.
Friends, I appreciate the support. I appreciate the willingness to jump into the fight with guns blazing. I appreciate the wit, education, and tenacity with which you are fighting! But if we are to make headway in the struggle to allow two people who love each other have the same rights as two other people who love each other, we cannot win with hate, shaming, and threats. Rising above the hate does not mean you are rising above other people, it means that you are rising above yourself and your own temptation to employ a hateful, combative rhetoric.
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